Dreading Bedtime? Forcing Sleep Won’t Help. Here’s Dr Nerina’s Fix

Have you ever felt ‘tired but wired’ at bedtime - meaning you can’t sleep, your mind’s racing, and your body is filled with restless energy?  

Decades ago, this was a pattern for me until I began to heal my relationship with sleep and my nervous system. Over the years, I found many of my clients experiencing the same problem.  

I hope you feel relieved to know you aren’t alone, and that it can be solved more simply than you think. 

Read on to learn how to quiet the mind for sleep, so you can enjoy the deep nourishing rest you deserve.  

Key takeaways: 

• Shift your focus to resting, rather than forcing yourself to go to sleep. 

• Changing your habits during the day can support your nervous system and better sleep at night. 

• Calm racing thoughts through journaling, micro-resting, and somatic exercises. 

Why your mind won’t switch off at night 

Understanding and managing your nervous system is key to sleeping well.  

Our physiology is highly intelligent and evolved to increase our chances of survival in a world that was once dangerous. The nervous system – and the ability to sleep – is designed along the premise of safe or not safe. Simply, we sleep when we feel safe. 

The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is the name given to the part of your nervous system that regulates many of your important bodily functions and is divided into two: 

• The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is part of your nervous system that enables you to respond to threat and stress. 

• The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) includes the vagus nerve, and its role includes controlling the body’s functions and your ability to sleep restoratively.  

Throughout the day, depending on the stresses and demands of our lives, we move back and forth between these two legs of our nervous system.  

In modern life, we have fewer ways to physically release the energy of stress, as the fight or flight response is asking us to do. Instead, we end up stuck in our minds and take this anxious, hyper-alert state to bed with us. No wonder we end up tired but wired. 

Stop trying to force sleep (the ‘rest first’ shift) 

Rest is a vital step to sleep. Too often people fixate on trying to sleep when subtly shifting the focus to resting could solve the problem. You can apply this technique if you’re feeling stressed or worried about what lies ahead the next day. A good mindset to cultivate is to say, ‘I’m just going to rest tonight.’ It’s the balance between caring enough to make the right choices for your nervous system balance and not obsessing over whether you are sleeping. 

How to quiet your mind at night 

Journaling  

Journaling can offer gentle mental offloading and calm thoughts for sleep, helping your mind to switch off. There are two types I recommend – vomit and gratitude: 

• Vomit journalling is a stream of conscious ‘brain dumping’ which expels all your chaotic thoughts onto paper. This calms you by lowering the activity in the brain that generates stressful thoughts and reactions. 

• Gratitude journaling helps to promote the feelings of inner safety that are conducive to peaceful sleep. Unlike vomit journaling, you should write down only positive and uplifting thoughts.  

Micro-resting in the day 

Try to calm and rest your nervous system throughout the day – this is called ‘micro-resting.’ Easier than you might think, there are many ways to build moments of rest naturally into your day, including: 

• Stroking a pet. 

• Admiring your garden. 

• Breathing mindfully. 

• Praying and meditation practices. 

• Listening to the sound of the rain. 

• Enjoying a piece of soothing, uplifting music.  

Somatic exercises  

If your mind is racing, I suggest body-based relaxation tools such as somatic exercises. 

One of my favourites is to place my hand over my heart and the other over my stomach and feel the weight of them on my body. Then breathe in for a count of four and out for a count of eight, ideally through your nose.  

Focusing on breathing takes you away from the ‘noise’ of your mind and back into your body. 

Calming your nervous system before bed 

Everything you do throughout the day can affect your nervous system and sleep quality. I tell clients to follow my sleep ‘non-negotiables’ – five simple yet actionable habits to allow the mind and body to relax for a more nourishing rest: 

• Eating a nutrient-rich breakfast within 30-45 minutes of waking. 

• Drinking one to two litres of water per day. 

• Reducing or avoiding caffeine. 

• Switching off electronics an hour before getting into bed. 

• Getting an early night – 10pm is optimal.  

You can read more about them in my previous blog post. Once you have my ‘non-negotiables’ in place, you can move to working with my deeper tools to calm the vagus nerve.  

Something often overlooked too is your sleeping environment. That’s why I endorse Oak Tree Mobility’s range of made-to-fit adjustable beds. Each bed is soft yet supportive and can be adjusted to a position that helps you sleep and rise again without straining.  

For more information, request a FREE Oak Tree Mobility brochure to view the full adjustable bed collection. 

What to do when racing thoughts… race 

‘Observe don’t engage’ 

Everyone can have racing thoughts – and that’s OK. But try not to argue or engage with them. Simply acknowledge these as passing comments without getting pulled in.  

Mental labelling 

Mental labelling means giving each thought a category, which can help create distance between you and the thought. 

Reassurance loops 

Remind yourself these thoughts are not urgent and can be solved another day. This can help calm your thoughts so you can fall asleep.  

Conclusion & final thoughts 

To summarise, we sleep when we feel safe. So, sleeping deeply and restoratively is about making good choices throughout the day and when you get into bed. You can remind yourself of these by reading my previous blog. 

Work with your nervous system, calm your vagus nerve and your mind and body will follow suit. Remember, you can’t think yourself to sleep, which means you don’t switch off the mind directly – you calm the body first. 

FAQs: Calming a racing mind for sleep 

Why can’t I sleep when my mind is racing? 

When your mind is racing, this is a sign that your nervous system is dysregulated – you are in stress or sympathetic nervous system mode. Use our techniques to steer your nervous system back into safety mode. 

How do I quiet my mind so I can sleep quickly? 

Firstly, lose the word ‘quickly’ as this adds pressure. Tell yourself I’m going to enjoy resting. Place your hands over your heart and belly and follow your breathing. Allow this to guide you back in. 

How can I calm my mind for sleep naturally? 

To get to sleep naturally, develop awareness of how your nervous system works and work with somatic, body-based techniques to get you out of your head and back into your body. 

What helps calm thoughts for sleep? 

You can calm thoughts for sleep with breathing techniques, body-based relaxation, and progressive muscle relaxation techniques. A calming sleep environment with a comfortable bed and mattress is also beneficial.  

How does the vagus nerve affect sleep? 

The vagus nerve is responsible for eliciting a state of rest and inner emotional safety, both of which are vital for restful sleep. 

Further reading & sources 

Tired but Wired. (Profile Books, 2010) By Dr Nerina Ramlakhan 

Finding Inner Safety (Capstone, 2022) By Dr Nerina Ramlakhan 

The consequences of a lack of sleep in the elderly | Oak Tree Mobility 

Reframing unhelpful thoughts - Every Mind Matters - NHS 

A sleep expert’s 5 non-negotiables for better sleep | Oak Tree Mobility