Health and Wellbeing
Sleeping Alone vs a Partner: Which is Better?
A good night’s sleep is essential for physical health, emotional balance and overall wellbeing. Yet one of the most common questions people ask is: “Am I better off sleeping alone or with my partner?”
For some, sharing a bed strengthens intimacy and brings comfort. For others, disturbances such as snoring or different body clocks can mean broken nights and groggy mornings. The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
Have you seen that hilarious episode of Friends where Chandler and Monica bicker about how they sleep together, and whether they ‘spoon’ or not? There are also articles published about the different ways people sleep together, and how the positions they adopt while they sleep are reflective of the relationship dynamics.
More recently, there is a growing trend of ‘sleep divorce’ a term that has been coined to describe the phenomenon in which couples resort to sleeping in separate beds, or even separate rooms, to improve sleep quality. Is this a good or bad thing to do? In this article, I will share some balanced – and I hope compassionate - views on whether or not it is good to share your sleeping space with your partner. I share some practical measures you could take if sleeping together is becoming problematic, including how adjustable beds from Oak Tree Mobility can help you find the perfect solution, whether you share or snooze solo.
The Case for Sleeping Together: Benefits of Sleeping with a Partner
Sleeping better with a partner often goes beyond rest — it’s about connection. Studies show that couples who share a bed can experience:
- Increased intimacy and bonding – Falling asleep next to your partner fosters closeness.
- A sense of security and reduced anxiety – Physical presence can lower stress levels.
- Improved communication and emotional wellbeing – Couples often report feeling more connected.
As a physiologist, I am interested in the science behind these benefits, and the research shows that the love, trust and wellbeing hormones oxytocin and serotonin are produced during and after sleeping with someone you love, contributing to feelings of safety, pleasure, comfort, and emotional bonding. Oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone," is released during skin-to-skin contact and sex, heightening feelings of contentment and attachment, while dopamine, the ‘feel good’ and reward hormone, and other happy chemicals are released, leading to a chain reaction that includes the release of serotonin.
Some research also suggests that couples sleeping in the same bed may synchronise their sleep cycles. This can encourage deeper, restorative sleep for certain people.
Even so, the key is balance, if sleeping with a partner improves your sleep, it’s a gift. If it disrupts you, then alternatives may be worth considering.
The Case for Sleeping Alone: Is it Good for Couples to Sleep in Separate Beds?
Sleeping alone can eliminate the frustrations of a partner’s:
- Snoring, tossing and turning, or restless legs.
- Different schedules, shift work or late-night habits.
- Conflicting preferences for light, noise, or temperature.
Many people report that they sleep more deeply and longer when undisturbed.
For some, sleeping alone allows for:
- Total independence – Spreading out in bed and moving freely.
- Uninterrupted rest – Particularly useful for those who wake often in the night.
- Optimal comfort – Choosing the perfect pillow height, duvet weight and mattress firmness.
However, it is important that communication is done diplomatically and that the point is made that sleeping alone isn’t about rejection, it’s about prioritising health and rest.
The Sensitive Sleeper
In almost 30 years of helping people to sleep, I’ve seen a different kind of challenge caused by sharing your bed. Some of the people I work with are very sensitive human beings. In fact, in my first book, Tired but Wired (Profile Books, 2010), I distinguish Sensitive sleepers from Martini sleepers. Sensitive sleepers can be defined as individuals whose sleep is easily affected by sights, sounds, smells and stress. These individuals need their own side of the bed and often travel with their own pillow and/or blanket. On the other hand, Martini sleepers are individuals who can sleep anytime, anyplace and anywhere, even when stressed. These are the people who question why I have a job! Sensitive sleepers often have sensitive natures: they can be highly empathetic to the point of too readily taking on other people's problems and are often attracted to caring or healing professions. Therefore, they need to be very mindful of emotional boundaries – even in bed – and they definitely need to sleep separately from time to time to fully recharge their batteries.
Is Sleep Divorce a Bad Thing?
If communicated properly, far from being a sign of relationship trouble, it can actually enhance harmony by reducing resentment over sleepless nights.
Sleep divorce benefits include better rest, more energy, and even greater appreciation for each other during waking hours. For many couples, it’s a practical solution rather than a permanent arrangement.
Practical Solutions
Let us now look at some practical strategies for navigating sleeping separately or minimising disturbance if there is no option but to share your sleep space.
Adjustable Beds
A dual motor adjustable bed can enable you to optimise your sleep positioning separately. They allow you to change the position of the head, legs, or both using a dual-motor system. This flexibility means you can find your perfect sleeping or resting posture with ease.
The Benefits of Adjustable Beds for Couples
- Independent Control – Each side of the bed adjusts separately, so no one has to compromise.
- Reduced Disturbance – Movement is isolated, so you won’t feel every toss and turn.
- Addressing Snoring – Elevating the head can help reduce snoring.
- Alleviating Health Issues – Adjustable beds are excellent for easing back pain, restless legs, circulation issues, or acid reflux.
So having an adjustable bed could be a win-win solution; couples can stay in the same bed, but still sleep comfortably.
Benefits for Individuals (Solo Sleeping)
- Personalised comfort tailored to your body.
- Therapeutic positioning for specific needs like circulation or digestion.
- Versatility – Perfect for reading, watching TV, or simply relaxing.
Additional strategies for minimising partner disturbance include getting the biggest bed you can fit in your bedroom, ideally designed so your partner’s movements don’t disturb you. It is important to change your mattress every 7 years or so, as it loses its elasticity and supportive properties. Separate duvets are also good if one of you is a duvet-hogger, and white noise, or at least a fan in the room can act as a buffer (to some extent) against intrusive snores and snuffles.
As I’ve mentioned previously in this article (as it’s so important) conscious and sensitive communication is important. If you have identified, as a result of reading this article, that you are a ‘sensitive’ sleeper, you might want to communicate to your partner the difference in your sleep ‘personalities’. The emphasis in your communication needs to be on building trust and being able to share problems openly, without blame.
For some of my clients who are now having to sleep separately, to maintain relationship peace and intimacy, I recommend that they practice napping together. These naps could be done over the weekend, for no longer than 20 to 30 minutes at a time, at some point between 2 and 4pm.
There are times when you might sleep separately and then apart at other times. The key is to sensitively and lovingly negotiate when you would sleep together and when you sleep apart, depending on your level of tiredness and what you need to do the next day.
There's a line Kahlil Gibran's poem on marriage which is beautifully relevant: 'Let there be spaces in your togetherness'. There are times when sharing your sleep space just has to be navigated with loving consciousness and a light touch of playfulness.
At the end of the day (excuse the pun), better sleep means better health, brighter mornings, a more balanced life and happier relationships, whatever your sleeping arrangement.
FAQs: Sleeping Alone vs Sleeping with a Partner
Is it better to sleep alone or sleep with your partner?
It depends on personal preference and how well you sleep in each situation.
How do you get used to sleeping with a partner?
Start with clear communication and compromise on temperature, noise, and bedtime routines.
How do you sleep with a partner who snores?
Adjustable beds, white noise machines, or encouraging side-sleeping can help.
What are the benefits of mouth taping at night?
Mouth taping promotes nasal breathing, which can improve oxygen intake, reduce snoring, support oral health, and potentially lead to deeper, more restorative sleep.
What are the most comfortable sleeping positions for couples?
Side-by-side with space to move, spooning for intimacy, or back-to-back for independence.
Is sleeping with a partner good for you?
Yes, if it reduces stress and improves your sense of connection, but not if it disrupts sleep quality.
How do you get used to sleeping alone?
Create a comforting bedtime routine, use weighted blankets, and focus on personal comfort.
