Checklist When Caring for Elderly Parents

As parents age and their needs evolve, the type of care they require changes too, presenting unique challenges for their loved ones. Having spent their lives catering to your needs, you may suddenly find yourself supporting theirs. While caring for elderly parents can be a challenging prospect, it doesn’t have to be a stressful one. If you're unsure where to begin, we cover the checklist when caring for elderly parents that will help to make this transition more manageable.

Addressing care for your parents

First on your checklist when caring for elderly parents, is making a plan for their support; thinking about what their needs are and how they’re likely to change over time, what they’ll need from you or professional carers and how you will be involved in these decisions.

Involving your parents

When addressing care for your parents it's crucial to involve them and take their desires into account. Since they are directly experiencing the challenges of ageing, they’ll have the best insight into their feelings and what they may require from a personal care plan

Initially, some parents may be hesitant to address their own care needs, especially if the idea of ageing is overwhelming or daunting. However, having open and honest conversations early on can help break any potential stigma and acknowledge the changes they may face now or in the future.

Start to plan as soon as possible

It can be difficult to think about your parents getting older, but if you start noticing changes that affect them, such as reduced mobility, it might be a good idea to start a plan of action as soon as possible. Having simple discussions where you can talk about and better understand their current and future health needs is a helpful starting point.

Make a list identifying a range of potential concerns you have, such as their current housing situation and whether this might need to change in the near future, or personal finances and who in the family might bear responsibility for them. Additionally, personal interests like pets or possessions should also be accounted for.

These conversations can be sensitive and might feel uncomfortable or intrusive, but earlier preparation will help both you and your parents to feel better supported.

Understand what you can do

Recent studies indicate that as many as 5.7 million UK adults who are considering caring for an elderly parent in the near future will struggle to support them while managing their own lives. When putting together a checklist when caring for elderly parents, it is important to think about your own capacity and capability, particularly as there will be many factors that can determine how much you can take on.

If you have the space, you might be able to afford the luxury of caring for elderly parents at home, enabling them to feel more connected and less isolated throughout the day. Similarly, if you work flexibly you may be able to provide your parents with hands-on care in the form of cleaning and housework, preparing meals, or assisting them in getting out of the house, letting them retain some independence.

The key thing to think about when addressing care for your parents is whether or not you can afford to support them without it impacting your own mental health, physical well-being, or personal finances. In addition to understanding what you can do, it’s also important to recognise what you can’t do. Ask for help and support where you can. 

How do you talk to your parents about their care?

One of the most daunting tasks on your checklist when caring for elderly parents is opening the discussion about care. The first conversation with parents will always be the hardest and they may feel a threat to their autonomy and freedom. When thinking about how you talk to your parents about their care, it’s important to speak openly and honestly before making any quick decisions. Here are a few tips that can make discussions easier.

Think about the timing

Caring for your elderly parents is a significant responsibility, and as such, it’s important to think about the right time to share your thoughts. Initially, these conversations don’t need to be exhaustive. Creating a care plan is a long-term and ongoing process and your communication should reflect this. Find a suitable time that suits them and a comfortable environment where you can sit down with them one-on-one.

Outline your feelings at the start

Talking with your loved ones about their care can be an emotional process. Being open and honest about your emotions will better help your elderly parents understand where you’re coming from, and it might help to settle their concerns about ageing too. When thinking about how you talk to your parents about their care, consider outlining the benefits of being better prepared, in addition to showing the positives in which you or a healthcare professional can support them.

Avoid ‘you’ statements

Your checklist when caring for elderly parents should also consider the language you use when talking with them. Make it clear that your intentions are pragmatic and come from a good place with neutral propositions and avoid using ‘you’ statements that might sound accusatory, as this could lead to a defensive response.

Instead of saying ‘You’re always forgetting things’, try saying ‘I’m worried you might forget something which could lead to a problem’. Similarly, rather than saying ‘You need more support, you’re always hurting yourself’ you could say ‘I’ve noticed you’ve had a few accidents recently, is there anything I can do to better support you?’

Ask questions and listen

As much as you’ll want to get across your thoughts, your parents might find the idea of taking advice from someone who hasn’t experienced the same problems as them to be a little patronising. Asking open-ended questions can facilitate this and make them more receptive.

When preparing questions, consider whether your parents have thought about their own care needs. Have they made financial plans, including provisions for future care costs? What are their preferences regarding care arrangements, such as live-in or residential care? These honest and thought-provoking questions can prompt them to reflect on their care requirements and take some of the responsibility away from you too.

How to assess your elderly parents’ needs

Your parent’s care requirements are more likely to change, for example, with the onset of a developing health condition, over time. While building your own checklist when caring for elderly parents, you’ll want to consider their long-term health. You can start by overseeing their physical health and accompanying them to medical appointments where you’ll gain a better understanding of their ability to manage daily activities independently, monitor their social and emotional well-being, and address any signs of isolation.

If your parents plan to stay at home, you may want to consider introducing some supportive aids and connecting them to their local support network.. This might be as simple as encouraging them to speak with neighbours more frequently or arranging weekly catch-ups with friends and other family members. For those with limited mobility, and who want to improve their independence at home, a rise and recline chair might be a reliable choice. Our Oak Tree Mobility rise and recliners are made to measure, with customisable styling and a unique high leg lift, which helps to improve circulation whilst ensuring maximum comfort. We’ve also written a blog on helping others with mobility issues, which you can read about here.

When do your elderly parents need external care?

If you begin to notice significant changes in your parents' health or mobility, you may be wondering when your elderly parents need external care. We advise putting a Needs Assessment on your checklist when caring for elderly parents. This is a comprehensive service that considers various aspects of their personal life and well-being, such as their ability to complete daily tasks like cooking or cleaning and whether assistance might benefit them. The assessment will recommend appropriate services that will support an elderly parent, including equipment like a walking frame, practical help from a paid carer, access to day centres, or moving into a care home.

To find out more about getting a needs assessment, you should contact your local council’s social services department online or via phone. Needs assessments can be requested by anyone and the service is always free.

Helpful benefits when paying for care

Don’t forget to check off your finances on your checklist when caring for elderly parents. The costs associated with elderly care continue to rise, with hourly rates starting at around £20 and weekly costs rising to as much as £1,600 for the most intensive levels of support. If you are eligible, you may be entitled to support from your local authority. A few examples of helpful benefits when paying for care can be seen below.

Personal Independence Payment

Personal Independence Payment, abbreviated to PIP, is a government benefit package paid to those living with reduced mobility where daily tasks, such as getting dressed, are impaired. It is not a requirement for a loved one to have a disability to be eligible for the Personal Independence Payment, however, they are required to be younger than the State Pension age, which begins at 65.

Attendance Allowance

For those who are over the age of State Pension and have a disability, they may benefit from an Attendance Allowance. This is a weekly payment of between £72.65 and £108.55 which helps with personal support. A parent is not required to have a professional carer to claim this payment.

Carer's Allowance

Another helpful benefit when paying for care is through a Carer’s Allowance. If you’re spending more than 35 hours a week caring for elderly parents at home you could be eligible for this payment, worth up to £69.70 per week, if your parent receives PIP and you do not earn any more than £128.00 per week from other work-related commitments.

Summary

The prospect of caring for an elderly parent may be difficult to comprehend as you battle with the thoughts of increased responsibility and a flurry of unsettling emotions. To begin with, these complex changes might be difficult to acknowledge, but sharing your thoughts with your loved ones, showcasing the range of different care options to them, and providing them with a dedicated care plan will allow both you and them to feel more comfortable and confident in dealing with the situation. We hope that if you’ve been wondering what goes into a checklist when caring for elderly parents, this article has helped. We wish you the best on the next steps and hope that you feel confident to take stock and implement these pieces of advice.