Health and Wellbeing
How To Support An Elderly Relative Refusing Care
10th July, 2025
In the UK nearly 400,000 people aged 65 and over are receiving long-term local authority arranged or provided adult social care. At the same time, Age UK estimates that 2 million people aged 65+ have unmet care needs, that’s issues like difficulty dressing, bathing, or eating that are going unaddressed.
There can be a myriad of reasons as to why an elderly person's care needs are not being met, and one of those can be down to the individual themselves refusing care.
For those left with trying to convince an elderly person to receive care (oftentimes the sandwich generation), the task isn’t an easy one.
Within this article we’ll aim to offer useful tips and advice on how to spot the signs that an elderly person may need further care, communication tips on how to speak to and support them, as well as the next steps you might need to take to get further care help.
Key Signs an Elderly Adult Might Need Care Support
Mobility Issues or Bruises
Decreased mobility is often part of getting older, but if you find that the person in question is having real difficulty with simple mobility tasks such walking, getting out of a chair, or climbing stairs, then it could be a sign to seek professional care help. Issues with mobility can cause frequent stumbling or falls, which can lead to serious injury.
Some people might not be forthcoming in telling you about their mobility issues, so do look out for bruising or minor injuries on their person, which don’t have clear reasoning for why they’ve occurred. Simply observing the individual as they navigate around the home is advised to be able to make your own assessment too.
Changes in Personal Hygiene
Look out for an unkempt appearance, things like unwashed hair, body odour, or wearing soiled clothes are all potential causes for concern. If you notice subtle changes in hygiene that feel out of character, you may want to delicately raise it with them to check that everything is as it should be.
Poor Nutrition or Weight Loss
Noticeable weight loss, an empty fridge, or expired or uneaten food left around could all point to a lack of self care which could result in dehydration or malnutrition.
Memory Loss or Confusion
If the individual is starting to repeat questions and sentences or getting lost in familiar places/forgetting appointments or names, etc., then you should look to get them assessed by a professional. Other signs of memory loss or confusion include unopened mail, unpaid bills, or confusion around medications.
In some cases, these symptoms could indicate early signs of dementia, Alzheimer's disease, or other cognitive decline.
Neglect of Household Responsibilities
If you are noticing your once houseproud individual is starting to leave dirty dishes piling up, rubbish not being taken out, or hoarding items, this could be a sign that they are struggling with independent living due to a cognitive or mobility related issue. An untidy household also poses a physical hazard due to clutter around the home, which could result in trips or falls.
Mood Changes or Social Withdrawal
Look out for changes in mood and a reluctance to be social or leave the home. This combined with a loss of interest in hobbies or regular social activities could all be as a result of a change in their cognitive ability or mobility.
Problems with Medication Management
A lot of elderly people may have to take medication for certain ailments or conditions, but if they are starting to miss doses of medication, this can become extremely dangerous; likewise, taking too much in error also poses extreme health risks. Keep an eye on the amount of medication they have and monitor it over time to see if it is depleting in line with the prescribed amount they need to take.
Pre-Existing Health Conditions Getting Worse
If an elderly person's pre-existing health condition is starting to get worse, then this may be a cause for seeking more professional help, especially if it is impacting their day to day life or causing them to be in severe pain. Some people living with pre-existing conditions of a chronic illness may not want to acknowledge if their symptoms are getting worse. Keep an eye out for signs of increased discomfort and approach a discussion with them to ensure they receive the support they need.
How to Speak With Someone About Receiving Care
Approaching an elderly loved one about the possibility of needing care is a sensitive conversation that requires empathy, patience, and respect.
Picking the right moment is crucial; we’d suggest waiting for a quiet, private moment when you’re both calm and unhurried. Resist the temptation to tell them what they need, but instead express your concern.
“I” statements can be great for this, such as:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been finding it harder to get around lately, and I’m really worried about your safety.”
Try to back these statements up with specific examples that you can refer to as evidence of when you have noticed these things. Make a note of these incidents as they happen in preparation.
Make it clear that your goal is to support their independence, not take it away, and involve them in the decision-making process.
The conversation will likely have to happen more than once, but make sure to listen actively to their fears or objections.
At the right time, bringing in a GP, social worker, or trusted family member can help reinforce the message while maintaining their dignity.
The key is to make it a collaborative discussion, not a confrontation.
Getting Further Care Advice For Your Loved One
If you feel like your loved one needs further care and support, the best place to start is by contacting your local GP, They can assist in conducting health checks and refer you to specialist departments depending on the particular issue.
Following this, the official starting point to access care services through the NHS or local authority is to request a free needs assessment. This is where a social worker or occupational therapist will come and assess the person's daily living needs. The assessment looks at how they are doing with regards to mobility, personal care (washing, dressing, toileting), medication management, household tasks, as well as looking at their safety and potential risks at home.
If you’re at a real loss on where to start, some useful places that can help with your initial questions and concerns are the Age UK Advice Line – 0800 678 1602, and Carers UK.
